All relationships go through stages, but some can be more boring than others. Being in an unmovable routine, having children, or focusing on your career can all be reasons your romantic relationship has found itself in a rut. But do not fret! You can bounce back from your boring partnership with a few of these techniques.
RULE #1
Team Work: Both of you need to work on the relationship. There is no time when you can just coast- both of you are responsible for keeping things good. Remember that you are also part of the creation of your boring relationship.
Some Considerations
– Rationally look at the relationship. Is a rut just stability? Is your boring just routine? What would you want to see in a relationship?
– Don’t reminisce too much. Don’t start to compare to the old days. It may be fun to look back from time to time but you are no longer in the past. Time to take on your present and future goals.
– Sex life is a side effect. The best sex includes a connection to the other person. As you grow closer and learn to communicate it will affect your sex life in a positive way too.
Technique 1. Reduce the boredom.
Both of you need to figure out the real reason you are bored. You may think you feel bored, but really you are overwhelmed or don’t have time to enjoy and play. We often place blame on the relationship when in all actuality, it is a personal issue.
Technique 2. Be present.
It is very easy to get caught up in all the tasks we need to get done, instead of taking the time to be in the moment. Even when we are physically present, our minds may be racing onto the next list of ‘to-do’s’. Taking the time to be mindful with your partner is essential for connection and helps everyone feel like they are a high priority.
Technique 3. Learn something new.
Even if you have spent years with someone, you can learn something new. Playing 20 questions with them, ‘would you rather’, or just asking about their opinions can ignite a feeling of exploration and intrigue.
Technique 4. Find a new activity together.
If you are looking to learn something new about someone, nothing does that better than learning a new skill. The activity you both choose should be something that brings you out of your comfort zone a bit and you get extra points if it is something that neither one of you has done before. Mastery of skill together creates natural bonding and a new
Technique 5. Find your happy.
The most important piece of being happy in a relationship is being happy with you. Find a personal hobby or new skill to learn that brings joy. Learn to love you and the love will grow everywhere else.
Technique 6. Be spontaneous.
Everyone is different in their idea of spontaneity. But as relationships can get into routines and ruts. So instead of doing the same date or activity- try something that neither one of you has done. This forces spontaneous interaction because neither person has set up a routine around it. On a day to day note, small changes in routine can lead to big emotional shifts. Writing small notes, randomly sending flowers, or a quick phone call can be surprising and enjoyable.
Technique 7. Seek help.
Sometimes it is hard to breakup the lock jam you and your significant have created. This is when outside help can give you insight into where to go next. A therapist, mentor, religious leader or others like this can assist in communication issues and give each of you personal guidance.
My Challenge to you: Talk with your partner and see if any of these techniques would be useful. Remember that outside help is always an option and can give you personalized solutions.
Happy excitement creating friends!
– Jessie the Therapist
Photo by: Sweet Ice Cream Photography
