“If I was there Mom, I would have given you a big hug and then we would make cookies.”
The conversation my 7 year old and I were having was not full of much emotion. I feel like I have processed a great deal of the traumas in my life and most the time they are not distressing when I recall them. She has become very inquisitive and tries to make sense out of aspects in my younger years that are difficult to make sense of. I don’t lie to her, but do make the information I am giving her age appropriate. I can see that this often will frustrate her in that there is not a black and white conclusion. She will usually follow it up with a statement that a big hug and cookies will make it better- and I very much agree with her.
I appreciate the trauma I have had in my life. Not only has it helped me find identity, passion, and drive; but it has made me very focused on the type of person and mother that I want to be. I don’t know that I would be as sensitive or understanding towards my children and others without the experiences I have had. Nor do I feel that I could have taught my children empathy in this way without them slowly understanding the complexity of the person that is their mother.
Below are the principles I try to keep in mind as I experience life while making peace with the past.
Meaning.
There is meaning in your traumas. Even if you can’t see it straight away. We can endure severe pain if we believe it is purposeful. This is a mindset shift that can be difficult to achieve, but it is very helpful in processing it and move in a positive direction. Journaling can be helpful- just sit down and start writing. You may not see it right away, but processing the small aspects of the trauma lead to big processing as a whole. Therapy is also helpful in that you can verbally process.
Sunny side.
What is the bright side of things? Part of finding meaning is also paying attention to the positives of the experience. Are you more empathetic now? Do you understand your emotions better? Are you taking care of your body now? Do you see life as more precious than before? You will be surprised at the small things you can appreciate after processing your trauma and looking at life in a new light.
A piece of you.
The trauma is apart of you now. Trauma plays a role in our life and will influence decisions. We can’t go back and change things, but we can process what happened and look to make the future more positive. So as it comes up, try to acknowledge it and switch focus on making positive change forward.
Peace.
Peace is not the lack of sorrow. It is an understanding of the past, present, and future. We need to try and find our tranquility. This is a time to be present and calm, giving yourself a moment of reprieve. Meditation has been helpful for me in this area and finding three positives no matter what the situation is.
My Challenge to you: How does your trauma affect you? How do you deal with it on a day to day basis? Try some of these principles that have helped me so much- and see if they can help you. Remember that if you are at an impasse or feel like it is too overwhelming- make sure to find help and resources.
Happy self loving friends!
– Jessie the Therapist
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